So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
