If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
