I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
she looked like the before picture.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
