I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
