Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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