I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
