just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
