I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
