Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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