Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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