I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
