i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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