**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
