You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Randomize
