i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
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last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
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What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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