YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
