my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
