Swine flu. Run for my life!
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I enjoy the company of your penis
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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