hotel room ftw
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Randomize
