im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
