I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
