I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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