I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
