apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
