Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Small penises have feelings too.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
