It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I forget how to act sober
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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