My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
