Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
