My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
