My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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