Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
