Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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