My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
