Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
