Betty ford says i'm here all night
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
