3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
