there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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