one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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