Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
