Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
