I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
