i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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