I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
