Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
