Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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