They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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