I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
