I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
