we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
