dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
