in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
the condom got lost in my hair
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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