I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
