We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
