pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
