Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
