Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i will never coherently bang her
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
