so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
