all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
