First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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