Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
