No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
