Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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