So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
