So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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