Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
