I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
