He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
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I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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