I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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