you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
