The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
