Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
