Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
