Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
