After last night, I could never be a politician.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
