i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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