Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
they're like a gay fantastic four
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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