As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
