she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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