May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Randomize
