made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
