It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
